You’ve been in rare form these past few weeks. That’s saying something considering that you’re always looking for ways to “poke” and unload. I get it. It must be really hard trying to control everything and everyone around you… trying to demand and force everything perfectly into place.
Since hearing Dear Alexa’s side of a phone call with you, I would imagine she’s getting pretty comfortable standing up to you these days. No longer a loyal comrade in arms, she’s beginning to question what you say. For Dad’s words and actions simply aren’t supporting the “reality” mom has been portraying over the past few years and the truth is slowly rising to the surface.
Dear Alexa’s growth over just the past six months has been tremendous. She’s growing up so fast! I can totally understand why you are getting a bit nervous. Dear Alexa is talking about wanting to graduate high school early, buy a car when she turns 16, and wants to live abroad. All big indicators of someone actively seeking independence. She wants to grow up and become her own amazing being in this wide world, not hide away in the confines of your house.
I’m sure that’s scary as hell for you. It was bad enough that she’s been wanting to spend more time with her father. Now the idea of total independence AND the fact that we’re looking to move to a place where Dear Alexa might want to visit often?
Hence the unleashing of hostility these past several weeks.
I understand the core fears behind the sneaky clauses you’re attempting to hide in the legal agreement that would limit Dear Alexa’s ability to fully reconnect with Dad. Just know that attempting to control or restrict Dear Alexa will have consequences.
We know how horrible it would be to have Dear Alexa leave and not communicate for over a year – We know because we experienced it.
We had no other option than to let go and trust in a bigger plan. We did so while also making sure that we reached out regularly to remind her how much we love her… Increasing that to daily when she didn’t respond.
Gratefully, she’s back on her own free will and our relationship is blossoming into something even better than we could have imagined.
If you try to block Dear Alexa’s reconnection with her father or restrict her quest for independence, you will encounter a similar experience –
Since you’re not interested in compromise at the moment, we offer this list of things that helped us maintain our sanity while you alienated Dear Alexa from our lives –
- Stay connected – Send positive outreach even if she doesn’t respond – Trust that eventually she will.
- Build a support system – Focus on building positive relationships that support you and what you’re going through. Dad found an online support group called 1,000k Fathers that helped us refocus our energy on gratitude, health, and positive endeavors.
- See a professional – Nothing wrong with a little professional help. Sometimes we need to work on ourselves to become the parent our children look up to.
- Give what you have to give – Nothing lifts your heart faster than donating time and resources to an amazing cause. For us, it was gifting Dear Alexa’s toys (with her permission of course) to neighboring kids and Dad’s contributions to other father’s experiencing alienation.
- Get physical – Get out of your head by moving your body. Some things are simply out of our control. Burn off that frustration at the gym and get physically fit.
- Take tender loving care of yourself – Make healthy meals, get massages, go on a girl’s spa retreat, and spend time in meditation to reconnect with yourself.
I supposed these recommendations should have been submitted to your attorney first – I’m always amazed how even our kindest gestures and loving intentions get so twisted and then used against us…
Our hope is that you make a decision that more about what’s best for Dear Alexa than your quest for vengeance.
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