We had “parallel universe” silent treatments last week. Three to be exact. Each started with a selfish, snippy demand… All aimed to place blame on another… All intended to inflict pain and punishment. Each very much akin to a defiant toddlers kicking and screaming temper tantrum in the aisle of a grocery store for added dramatic effect.
Each one of these passive-aggressive silent treatments held the potential of ruining our lovely Holiday weekend. Gratefully, none of which ruffled our feathers past the point of minor irritation.
Which made me consider – Who is actually harmed when seeking to inflict punishment and vengeance upon another?
Confucius once said – When seeking revenge, dig two graves… one for yourself.
From an egocentric space, it’s easy to believe that our words and actions have the ultimate power to inflict harm upon another. We get our feelings hurt when someone does something “mean” to us or feel upset when someone doesn’t do what we expect or demand of them. So naturally, it’s assumed that we are inflicting an equal amount of hurt and upset on them when we do mean things back or cut them off entirely. It’s this quid pro quo sense of justice that helps rationalize downright cruel behaviors.
A friend of mine once shared with me that the term used for “silent treatment” in South Africa implies that there is more aggression and harm inflicted in silence than in actions. I would agree – That is, IF you choose to allow it.
Three deliberate silent treatments last week certainly felt like an unloading of sorts.
It would have been easy for us to get caught up in the manipulative demands in order to ease the uncomfortable silence that followed. We had a few not-so-great options:
- Give into the demands – at our expense;
- Take responsibility for “making it better” for them – at our expense; or
- Let the simmering angry energy consume our lovely Thanksgiving weekend – again, at our expense.
Gratefully, we quickly recognized a fourth option –
Step away from the tantrum.
We always have a choice when it comes to taking on another person’s “stuff” and/or allowing huffy-puffy words and behaviors affect us.
I’ll take this concept even further. For sometimes we may not even be aware of a person who is attempting to hurt us by giving us the cold shoulder. We may have no idea that someone is disgruntled to the point of actively seeking to punish and unload their hurtful feelings on us in their effort to feel better.
Hence the karmic brilliance – Hateful words and cruel actions might harm another, but they are guaranteed to harm the one inflicting them.
Because the person harms themself by carrying and expressing all that anger… not the person they’re seeking to inflict punishment and revenge upon. The karmic result for all three of the silent treatment givers? A miserable Holiday weekend.
As for us? We made the choice to rise above whatever motives were behind the silent treatments and focused instead on enjoying a lovely Holiday with friends and family. CHEERS!
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