Right now you’ve convinced yourself that Dad is is the enemy. When questioned in group therapy sessions a few months ago, it pretty much boiled down to your being upset that Dad has rules such as making attendance at school mandatory, stocking the pantry with at least a few healthy options, and not allowing gaming all night long. I’m sure these are amongst regular teenage frustrations, but they hardly constitute enemy grounds.
But as hard as the therapist tried, you never got to the core of the deep sense of anger and hostility you’re feeling. You’ve tried so hard to justify this anger in numerous ways, but when pressed, there has never been a coherent reason or real-life example as to why you’re carrying such hostility towards Dad.
And that’s because that hostility you’re feeling is not yours.
You are incredibly empathetic – an amazing trait BTW and one I share with you so I get it. Sometimes it can be difficult knowing “what’s ours” and “what’s NOT ours” when it comes to strong emotions. Particularly when it comes to people we love and want to support. It’s easy to take on another’s feelings, unconsciously carrying them like they’re our own. At the moment, you are carrying a tremendous weight – There’s no stronger negative force than that of anger and desire for revenge.
You’ve been absorbing all the stories, regarding them as absolute truth, but somewhere in there, it’s not making complete sense. Nothing is adding up or happening the way you’ve been told. So you’re pushing the limits – hard! Anything to invoke a response from Dad that can justify the way you feel. If only so everything you’ve been told – everything you’re feeling – can make sense.
The simple truth is that Dad’s loving actions are not matching up to what you’re being told or led to believe.
No matter how you try to twist the truth or assume the worst, the clear and identifiable “proof” you’re searching for simply isn’t there. The frustrating part is that you won’t be able to see the truth while you’re so caught up in trying to prove yourself (and the stories you’ve been told) right.
The heartbreaking part is that this time with your incredibly loving and supportive father is being taken from you.
The root of most “daddy issues” is typically based on either abusive or absentee dads in a girl’s life. Since good parenting doesn’t fall in the “abusive” category, we’re left with abandonment – Which you are being highly influenced to believe.
But I’m here to make it very clear that your Dad has been there for you – IS here for you – EVERY SINGLE DAY, in every way you’re able to receive him.
It’s in the daily text messages checking in, seeing how you’re doing, inviting you to do something with him, and reminding you of how much he loves and misses you. It’s in the videos of our remodeling your bedroom the way you wanted and the outdoor concerts we used to enjoy together in hopes you’ll visit and join us. And it’s in the joint therapy sessions your dad schedules in hopes of connecting.
None of which you’re responding to.
And that’s ok. Unfortunately, you won’t recognize your father’s loving presence and continuous support until you’re ok with being wrong. So you can keep pushing – keep ignoring – keep searching for proof that dad really is to blame for everything… OR…
You can find the hard evidence you seek by scrolling through the hundreds of text messages from Dad reminding you every single day that you are dearly loved and wanted in our lives.
Update – We learned that mom reads Dear Alexa’s texts. Loving messages to Dear Alexa are intercepted, twisted beyond recognition, and used against both Dad and Dear Alexa. Mom uses information to pursue Dad legally, interferes with plans, and unloads enough hostility on Dear Alexa’s shoulders that she stops responding to Dad’s outreach. Coming to terms with the idea that daily outreach could do more harm than good.
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