Hippy Step Mom
I am the stepmother… wait, scratch that…”Cool Aunt” to a very tenacious, 13-year-old who is searching for her current identity. Fiercely determined that she knows far more than her ancient parents do, she pushes every boundary and argues every gray space to exhaustion.
For this blog, we’ll refer to her as “Dear Alexa.”
Recent circumstances have been such that Dear Alexa has chosen to live with her mother full time – A combination of her wanting to live in a no-rules environment coupled with her mother’s parental alienation tactics. It’s ugly.
But that’s not where I want to go here. There are more than enough “difficult ex” and “evil stepchildren/stepparent” blogs out there stirring up the same negative energy… and I am utterly exhausted with the battle Dear Alexa’s mother is determined to remain engaged in.
Me: “Peace out ya’all”
I’ve created this blog as an outlet for all the things I would love to be sharing with Dear Alexa. Preferably, we would be sitting across the kitchen island talking about her day and the dumb boys heckling her on the bus. “Oh, I remember those days… They’re mean because they are trying to impress you…” I would say, offering understanding and perhaps a little nugget of insight. But without visitation, I don’t get to pass on my hard-earned “sage” advice to support her going through her tough teenage years.
I’m pretty sure I’m blocked on her cell. And I have to be ok with that. As the “stepmother/cool aunt,” I’m inconsequential at best, demonized at worst.
Mom wants Dear Alexa to question her father’s love and believe that we don’t want her – Which couldn’t be further from the truth. At the advice of multiple mental health professionals and after lengthy litigation, we’ve chosen (or at least try to choose) to disengage from the brutal warfare mom is waging which only makes Dear Alexa’s life more difficult.
Dear Alexa may not be in a position to connect with us now, but I want her to know that not a single day has passed that I haven’t missed her and wanted to be a part of this transitional time in her life. This blog is my way of sharing my thoughts and advice on growing up as well as processing her absence in our life.
If you’ve stumbled across this blog – Welcome! Whether you’re a parent/stepparent searching for a fresh perspective or a “Dear Alexa” teenager caught up in the blended family drama of life – I’m here for you.
You are welcome to join the conversation.
An Amazing Dad
Since Dad’s intro has been in perpetual “coming soon” stance – Stepmom/Cool Aunt will share from a second-wife perspective.
Dating the “second time around” generally includes men with children… many of whom are more than happy to hand over parental duties to the new wife. Old ways die hard… Perhaps the reason why stepmoms get a bad rap in the first place is the parental role that is assumed, but not truly theirs to fulfill.
But not this Dad. This Dad is an amazing father who is, beyond anything, committed to raising a kind, creative, and smart daughter. Gratefully, that meant I could step into a much cooler “auntie” role of sneaking dogs into the community swimming pool for a “family” dip rather than enforcing bedtime.
Dad took Dear Alexa on bike rides and paddle boards from the time when she was a baby… taught her how to kayak and rock climb soon after… took her on skiing/snowboarding and zip line adventures… scheduled trapeze and circus camps during summer breaks… and vacationed in Europe and the Cayman Islands.
When Dad asked what she thought about him marrying me, she was “ALL IN!”
That’s, of course, when mom decided that she needed to intervene…
Dear Alexa got 12 years of her father’s full-time unconditional love and support. No matter what outside forces try to convince her that she’s not loved or not enough – Dad’s voice will always answer louder –
You are- Stronger than you know; Braver than you believe; Smarter than you think; and Loved more than you will ever know.
Quote from a wall decal in Dear Alexa’s room