“When I do something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.”
Maya Angelou
Your innocuous request to pick up a “few things” turned into hauling a suitcase, bags, and garbage bags stuffed full with your belongings to your mother’s car while deliberately avoiding your Dad.
Whatever emotional injury you were seeking to inflict, you succeeded.
As we stood in the aftermath of your bedroom, we felt unraveled to see so much of you missing. We were beyond hurt to see that you even took Dad’s thoughtfully chosen room decorations and household items to your mother’s house.
It felt like you have absolutely no intention of returning…
We didn’t act impulsively in the upheaval of that moment. But come morning, we couldn’t deny the enormous impact it had and we knew we had to do something to settle the energy. So we took action.
It felt therapeutic cleaning the mess you left behind. Organizing your room helped us burn off some of the pain and process our jumbled thoughts. We threw away obvious discards and boxed up items you’ve long outgrown… All the while realizing just how little you truly appreciate.
We worked for three hours straight, then played Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds to lighten the mood. I was self-soothing at that point – Trying to reassure myself that indeed, every little thing’s gonna be alright.
One of the greatest skills I’ve learned over the years is how to do a “quick sort” – Dividing the things that ARE within my control and those that are NOT. I am not able to control the anger and hostility you carry on behalf of your mother. But I can create a sense of peace and calm in our home and support your amazing Dad who feels heartbroken over your complete dismissal.
Once the dust settled, I began to worry about how you might react – I know how important your private space is to you. Despite the beautiful improvements we made, I feared you might interpret this as a room invasion and use it to justify and fuel your anger. But then I came across this lovely quote by Maya Angelou – Yes, I most definitely went about this with an open heart and I don’t regret it.
We’ve since worked on your room in phases – We removed the structure you used for gaming, redesigned and installed a new closet organization unit, and lined your bathroom drawers and cabinets with lovely contact paper that I hope makes you smile every time you see it.
There’s something reassuring about renovating and improving this space that helps us move forward even when we can’t make sense of this messed up situation.
Right now your Dad and I are weighing our options when it comes to home. How I wish we could all sit down together and share our hopes and dreams for the future.
But no matter what we decide and changes we make, two things will never change – You are dearly wanted and greatly missed. We will always have a beautifully prepared space for you when you’re ready. Whether that’s returning to our joint visitation schedule or your choice to live with us long-term, we welcome you with open arms… and hopefully someday soon, an ocean view….
Hey, a girl can dream…
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