Who knew that a sweet text reminder of a trip we took together several years ago would spark such animosity? A picture of the ocean was twisted beyond recognition and used against Dad through mom’s attorney. Our appointment-crammed business trip staying in a low-cost vbro rental morphed into a “luxurious tropical vacation” and depicted as the reason why settlement negotiations stalled and an excuse to increase support.
Lack of any truth aside, we started considering the link between Dad’s outreach and mom’s unloading of hostilities. In one instance, Dad texted Dear Alexa about a hike they had planned only to have mom reach out informing us that she was sick. Mom literally intercepted and answered Dear Alexa’s text before she even woke up to prevent her from spending time with Dad.
Mom is reading Dear Alexa’s texts. Sadly, I think Dear Alexa knows that and can’t do anything about it.
Even with “unrestricted contact” written into the parenting plan, there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. Which kind of rains on our “daily contact” parade – Proof that Dad loves and thinks about Dear Alexa every single day. Which makes me wonder –
If mom intercepts texts and uses them against Dad, what is she doing to Dear Alexa? It hurts my heart to imagine how loving messages from Dad could be morphed into something dark and hostile, then unloaded on Dear Alexa.
I hold a space of loving compassion for any parent who has had to make the impossible choice to not reach out because of the resulting emotional abuse inflicted on the children by an alienating parent.
Which makes me question the emotional maturity of alienating parents. Just like children look to a parent to help them regulate their emotions, perhaps alienating parents lack the ability to regulate their own feelings and insecurities – Requiring another to regulate for them. It shifts that responsibility to the children at an age when they’re not prepared for it. Might explain why kids of alienation tend to be so firmly defensive and protective of the alienating parent – They’ve built this co-mingling of emotions.
Right now, I’m just hopeful that Dear Alexa is noticing the vast difference in energy between Dad’s loving outreach versus mom’s interpretations. Love and light prevail from my perspective. But then again –
Sometimes we don’t really consider what needs to crack and fall apart to let that light shine through…
Let the façade break. From ashes, we rise anew.
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