We knew it was going to implode eventually… this “united front” you and your mother have had this past year as you’ve blamed Dad for everything that ails you. Condemning Dad has been the glue that has kept you together through the rough times. Even when Dad had absolutely nothing to do with whatever challenge you and your mother faced, mom’s crafty maneuvering always managed to strengthen your bond by teaming up and demeaning Dad.
Despite everyone’s “good advice” telling Dad to sue and fight for his visitation rights, we knew that dragging this out in court only causes more contention and harm. Instead, we’ve listened to the insights of good doctors, therapists, and counselors who are solely focused on your well-being, not your parents.
Our approach has been to allow you to shift into a more regular and consistent life living full time with your mother… sans guilt for having chosen mom. We feel you will eventually come to see your mom a little more clearly when Dad is no longer the common blame-denominator… Perhaps even come to your own understanding of your mother’s real intentions.
While we had a pretty good idea of just how dramatic this inevitable implosion between the two of you might get, what we saw today was EPIC by comparison.
Brava!
Selfishly speaking, it was rather comforting learning that you treat mom in the same snippy way that you’ve been treating Dad. It feels a little less painful knowing that your anger is no longer singularly directed towards just us.
Before you come to your mom’s defense, let me explain a little thing about parental alienation. Your mom may think she’s punishing and making life hard for Dad. But in reality, she is punishing you and making life much harder on herself. By refusing to allow you to have a relationship with Dad, mom has not only blocked your father’s love and support for you… but also a source of parental support for herself.
Dad was more than happy to help manage school and homework – the rules and “parental” part that mom struggles with. Even if you were amicable to an occasional weekend visit, mom could get that much needed “me time” she’s always complaining to you about. And mom could have had much needed support on an epically tough day like today because we would have stepped in and helped.
My hope is that someday you will recognize the true cost of hanging on to anger and resentment. Better yet – Experience how good it feels to fully embrace the unlimited source of love and support your Dad has for you.
There’s nothing better in life than knowing that someone has always got your back. It gives us strength to lean on when we need support. Confidence to step out of our comfort zones and try something new knowing they’ll catch us if we fall.
Power to discover and become our true selves knowing we’re loved unconditionally.
Love,
Dad & Stepmom
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