A huge thanks to Madi with the Anti-Alienation Project for giving me a much-needed shift in perspective.
Everyone is in denial when it comes to parental alienation. Courts aren’t equipped to determine psychological abuse, therapists won’t even use the term, and alienators are master deflectors.
In essence, it’s gaslighting at a whole new level.
At this point, I’m tired of “expert” opinions and “fight for your custodial rights” legal advice. I’ve been searching for the voices of adult children of parental alienation to understand how this all plays out. I want to know when and how they discover the truth. How it impacted their childhood and how it continues to impact their life into adulthood. Most importantly, I want real-life advice on what an alienated parent could be doing to make this alienation experience easier for alienated kids and what’s needed for successful reunification.
Thank you – Thank you – Thank you.
I “stumbled” across this amazing girl’s story and, as you might know, I don’t believe we stumble across anything. I believe we are guided to what we need the moment we are ready to hear it.
We’re ready. And it all comes down to a custody determination next month.
We can’t fight anymore. It only empowers the mom with more reasons to triangulate Dear Alexa against her loving dad. We also recognize that we need to focus on what we can control and do to improve our lives rather than remaining in this disempowering space.
My first thought when it came to alienation was that no matter what happens, Dear Alexa was going to need good therapy to weather this experience. At first, I believed that there were just two options – Therapy to understand who her mom is and what she’s done, OR therapy to cope with dad taking her away from her mom. This viewpoint has cornered me into giving the mom what she wants for fear of Dear Alexa hating us by comparison.
Now I’m not so sure.
I have quite literally watched hours of Madi sharing her thoughts and interviewing others who are bravely sharing their own stories. Thank you! What I’m learning is that there is no easy path. So long as an unhealthy, alienator is part of the parental mix, children of alienation have a long path to recovery and healing the trauma of alienation.
And it all starts with spreading the word. As Madi puts it – “How can you heal when you don’t know what you’re healing from?”
Alienated kids know something’s off and until people stop denying and gaslighting the topic of alienation – Until kids can speak freely about their experiences and find useful resources to support them – How can they heal?
This loving father and I have no idea what next month may entail. I released my rosy view that the “truth shall set you free” the moment due process was violated. We’ve presented well-documented facts before the Court on several occasions only to have lies prevail. So we’re really not expecting much. But we need to be prepared for anything.
I’ve been so worried about the damage being done while under her mom’s full-time custody – Equally so thinking of how much she could hate us for taking her from her mom. Madi has helped me understand that the damage has been done and there is no erasing this experience for Dear Alexa.
Gratefully, dropping the illusion that we can fix it, free’s us to allow whatever this experience needs to be unfold. This space of non-attachment has allowed me to move past the fear of being hated and into a far more empowered space of understanding the tender truth behind the façade of hate.
A lovingly offered warning…
Dear “Dear Alexa” –
If your Dad is awarded full custody, we plan on shaking up every single aspect of your life. You’ve been living in such isolation, so disconnected from love and life, that we feel it’s the only way to not only get you out of that rut, but also get you healthy. There will be no ability to accumulate and rebuild “as usual” and there will be no negotiation of terms intended to keep you stuck.
We will offer you a blank slate and pure opportunities. An opportunity to experience a whole new way of life to learn that there is so much more to this wide-world. An opportunity to move past the pettiness of alienation and be of service to those in need. An opportunity for a fresh start to reinvent yourself and become whoever you want to be.
Your loving Dad wants to show you that he’s done everything within his power to fight for you and what’s in your best interest.
We shine a loving life that always awaits you the moment you are ready to reach for something more…
While also honoring the fact that the choice is ultimately yours to make.
