As you may have noticed from my last few posts (update – I’ve deleted most of them), I’ve been struggling with this “untouchable” concept as mom has proven herself to be above the law. Having legal connections… Using bullying and scare tactics to win… Deliberately concealing the truth and spreading lies to manipulate… Mom relies on dark means to an end.
Unfortunately, mom’s need for vengeance outweighs her love for her daughter.
This “untouchable” has both your Dad and me on edge. For there’s no “higher power” or solution to be found. We feel totally unable to affect the neglect and alienation that is occurring because mom has the legal authority, connections, and immoral behaviors to direct things her way.
The idea that darkness could hold the power to prevail over light is what hurts my soul the most.
It has been taunting me with “what if’s” for the past several weeks. We literally had to schedule an appointment with our estate attorney to ensure that we are safe from mom’s vindictive actions. And that’s when I realized that I was allowing that darkness to seep into my daily thoughts. I knew I needed to find a way to rise above this lowly energy to find a higher perspective or I was no better than birth mom.
I’m not a religious person, but I am deeply spiritual. I find my spiritual connection in many ways, but one of the fastest ways I’ve found to get a lift is through A Course in Miracles. By far the most challenging read with the most simplistic message – Only love exists, everything else is an illusion. In any given moment we have the power to change our mind and “choose to see love instead of this.”
It was in this moment that I realized the truth within “untouchable”. The very Webster definition is “not able or allowing to be touched or affected” with synonyms including inaccessible, unavailable, isolated, and unapproachable. This sense of untouchable isolation – total disconnection with self and others – sounds like punishment in and of itself.
What would an untouchable life be like?
- Spiritually Untouched – Feeling trapped and unable to rise above dark situations.
- Emotionally Untouched – Lacking positive and supportive relationships. Lacking the self-awareness to process and release negative emotions and patterns to break free from past traumas.
- Physically Untouched – Pushing people away to the point of having no loving physical connection.
Several years ago, I went through a “dark night of the soul” experience that brought me to my knees. I found a disconnected, isolated space that I never thought existed. So I can truly understand the depth of what the mom may be experiencing beneath the “untouchable badge of honor” she wears so proudly.
Mom has my empathy – Which now shifts my very perspective of this entire legal experience. But only because I have such firm personal boundaries. Lacking self-awareness –
Mom is lashing out as violently, and in equal proportion to, the inner turmoil she is feeling.
And since there’s little chance of her acknowledging, least of all accepting, responsibility, there’s little chance it will change. Unfortunately for mom, she will continue to reside in this dark untouchable space until she deals with her own stuff.
I’ll be the first to admit that the consequences of my own bad decisions have been tough! Been there, done that. We either deal with our “stuff” or our “stuff” will deal with us one way or another. Oftentimes, getting more and more painful until we finally fall to our knees and deal with it once and for all. But some of us (yes, my prior self very much included) have a high pain threshold and continue the same destructive patterns until something breaks. Hence my dark night of the soul.
My message to Dear Alexa’s mom – You may have harmed us temporarily, but all that resentment, anger, and need for vengeance that you carry is absolutely guaranteed to harm you the most. That kind of darkness spreads and seeps into every area of your life – Your relationships, your well-being, and even your physical body. We will continue to do everything possible to get Dear Alexa the therapy she needs so she won’t feel responsible for your choices and actions.
As for me? I’m down with being touchable.
- I am spiritually touched – I naturally attract higher perspective insights and shine light and love everywhere I go.
- I am emotionally touched – I have the self-awareness to process and heal my past and release anything that doesn’t uplift me. I am surrounded by lovingly supportive family, friends, and an amazing husband.
- I am physically touched – I am wrapped up in the warmth of my adoring, loving man’s arms every night. I am hugged daily and sometimes by random people who just enjoy being near me.
Today I choose to reclaim my truth –
I AM LIGHT
And no dark and fearful force can take that away.
