Dear “Dear Alexa”
It has been an incredible past few months watching you blossom into this new version of yourself – You’re back in school, confident, smart, hardworking, outgoing, and connected with new friends. Your father and I feared some tough consequences after three years being so withdrawn from life. We are incredibly grateful there’s no lasting impact – your packed calendar shows us that you’re more than making up for lost time.
I was telling a friend recently about how we first met – a community pool party that turned into playing “restaurant” at 12:00am wherein you made me a bowl of Lucky Charms. You were beyond precious, putting all my “step” worries at ease with your kindness. As you know, I didn’t enter the picture lightly. Despite not having children of my own, I’ve heard the blended family horror stories. And while I opted for a more hands-off, cool-aunt role in your life, that was all about not wanting to step on mom-toes than wanting to create our own little family unit.
Our first meeting was nothing short of perfection. Which made me recall how your (and your father’s) therapist suggested we “introduce” me to you…. Yes, we sought professional advice… And it took me over a week to process and challenge the utter B.S. that this “professional” spewed because it was a complete affront to everything I believe in.
This therapist suggested that I start attending a stranger’s weekly barbeque party that you and your dad were going to regularly… That after several weeks of my attending these parties, I would become familiar to you… That at some point, you would want your dad to be happy and suggest that your dad start dating… That somehow you would connect all the dots and suggest that he ask me out…
Seriously?!! As ridiculous as this was, it actually gets so much worse…
She then suggested that dad tell you on the daily that you’re his “number one girl” to make sure a hierarchy was established before I entered the picture. I was beyond stunned as we walked out of her office and felt powerless to even challenge her advice. She’s a “professional” after all, even testifying on children’s behalf in high-conflict family court cases. But absolutely nothing she said felt right.
I started peeling the layers in hopes of getting past my initial ego response so I could identify what was being triggered at my very core.
It took a week. Starting with the WTF ego exterior layers – upset, angry, defensive, feeling ranked, there are winners and losers, not enough to go around and we have to vie for first place. Then there were the deeper “my stuff” layers – I’m not good enough, I have to prove myself to be loved, that love is conditional, love is limited, I’m not lovable.
I had to connect with my shadow-self to get to my truth, but I feel like every time I do, I am healing my soul.
The magnificent thing about getting to your core is that the answer is always love. UNCONDITIONAL – INFINITE LOVE.
This therapist wanted to plant the idea in your beautiful head that love is conditional and ranked – making us competitors for a limited source of love. And I won’t even get started with my upset over putting the weight of your father’s happiness on your shoulders – For the record, you are only responsible for your own happiness. I reached my “full circle” – past Ego, past my “own stuff”, and right to the core – and shared with your dad just how full of sh*t this “professional’s” advice was.
MY TRUTH – Your father’s love is unconditional and infinite. The addition of me in this blended unit only results in MORE sources of unconditional and infinite love for you.
Keep blooming – We love watching you embrace your power.
