You’re giving Dad the silent treatment again. Feeling justified because Dad said no to mom’s most recent demand that resulted in heading back to court. It’s easy to overlook everything mom has done in defiance of the court ordered parental plan.
The convincing “story” you’re being told masks the reality of Dad’s unconditional love and support.
Mom wants you to believe what you’re being told based upon her perception and how she’s feeling. Eventually, you may come to see that there is no evidence or proof. You may even come to understand that mom’s feelings are her own – not yours. Just know that this will be the day when you will need to rely upon strong personal boundaries to maintain this sense of separateness between your feelings and moms.
Healthy boundaries are absolutely essential in any relationship. Making them can be simple enough. However, maintaining them take an ongoing commitment and occasional reinforcements. For the people we need the strictest of boundaries with are typically those who will continue pushing harder and harder in an attempt to break them. Having the confidence to take a firm stand with these boundary-pushers could very well be the hardest choice you will ever make.
Your Dad has a saying that helps clarify the mindset of boundary-pushers – Give a nickel, they’ll take a dime, then demand a quarter.
Your mom viewed Dad’s kindness and efforts to help give you a more stable living environment as a sign of weakness… and has since taken away all Dad’s visitation rights without permission… and is now demanding even more while bullying her way through the court system feeling entitled to whatever she wants.
This particular “no” has nothing to do with denying mom’s recent demand, but rather, much needed pushback to reestablish healthy boundaries.
Kind of like standing up to a bully at school – They’ll never stop until you stand up for yourself. Your mother got her yes, but now the court has been made aware of the fact that you haven’t ben properly supported educationally and therapeutically over this past year.
Your mom is interpreting the court’s decision as a big “win.” But the real “win” was the gift of witnessing Dad enforcing a firm boundary to get you the therapeutic tools you’ll need in the long run. And as you get the court ordered therapy that Dad was willing to fight for, you may begin to learn that –
Having a close and loving relationship with your father begins with learning how to have healthy boundaries with mom.
At 13 years old, you likely lack the experience to determine what healthy boundaries are, least of all the confidence to enforce them with a parent you’re dependent upon. But someday soon you will have the power to set boundaries, say no, and walk away if someone refuses to honor them.
Therapy will teach you how.
Your Dad and I consider this the long-game win.
4 comments