Even in this anonymous space, I’ve found myself tip toeing around the mom’s abuse of power. Like Dad admitted in his last post, we worry about retaliation. And we have every reason to.
Warning. This Stepmom is taking off the rose-colored glasses for a moment.
I need to get very clear about a few decisions we are making that will ultimately go a bit nuclear in Dear Alexa’s world. These are not choices we wanted to make, nor did we approach this lightly. We have made every effort to rise above this parental alienation experience. In doing so, we have also minimized the real situation we are in.
There was no reason to be alarmed when a police car pulled behind me on my drive home from a friend’s house, yet I started to tremble. Not only was I alone, but my husband was out of town and our one contact within the police department that knows our situation is no longer there. I nearly started to cry when I acknowledged just how vulnerable and unsafe I feel.
The fact of the matter is that this mom has been abusing her power to win and punish for years. Threats of calling her “friends in uniform”, lies told with such conviction that the truth isn’t even considered, and preying on any weakness just so she can kick us while we’re down.
It’s in my nature to shift my focus to gratitude so I can rise above these experiences, however, in that moment driving home, I was at a complete loss. Every aggression. Every angry and hostile unloading. Every “win” by deception.
Every abuse of position and power that has proven that mom is “above the law” has left an imprint.
The police car turned in another direction, but my vulnerability remains.
Our last Christmas with Dear Alexa started out with everyone toasting our engagement with mimosas. A week prior, when Dad asked Dear Alexa what she thought about proposing, she was ALL IN. Like repeating an enthusiastic YES three times in a row kind of five-star approval rating. Which was exactly what I needed to make our little family official. The day ended with all of us dog piled on the couch watching movies waiting for the police to show up to arrest Dad. Mom’s threat to call her “friends in uniform” was not only incredibly inappropriate given her position, but more so because Dear Alexa had to ask her not to.
The past several years in the court system (we’re on round three) has been exhausting. The mom has zero interest in following court orders or even doing what’s in Dear Alexa’s best interest. And, as we are beginning to realize, mom needs to keep this legal matter open as an outlet. Prolonging matters on her home turf and on her terms is mom’s way of forcing engagement so she can unload all her building hostilities and get her vengeance.
An extremely tragic and disturbing event happened last week that has put everyone dealing with high-conflict custody cases on even higher alert. Sadly, I am realizing that we are in a similar position, only Dear Alexa’s mom has multiple guns and a badge.
This tragic event put things in perspective fast and raised quite a few questions for us.
Do we continue trying to reach a settlement while mom gets fired up over every attempt to negotiate? How are those hostilities unloaded on Dear Alexa?
Do we continue fighting for court-ordered health and well-being requirements for Dear Alexa knowing full well that neither mom nor the court will follow or enforce it?
Do we file for full custody to protect Dear Alexa knowing it will likely cause an even bigger rift in her relationship with Dad and unite her with her mom?
Perhaps the biggest question we’ve been weighing is simply this – At what point do we add up all of mom’s aggressions, deceptions, and proof of being above the law so we can finally admit to ourselves that –
Mom has already escalated matters to a point where we question our personal safety?
For every parent who feels threatened, bullied, and afraid by an alienating parent, take your personal safety seriously – For the sake of your children.
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