I coined the phrase with a British friend while contemplating my move back to the US. Perhaps more accurately described as “Having wine with our demons” as we watched the sunset on her boat most evenings.
I was at a crossroads just like you are at this moment. Remain disconnected from the world and hostage to the patterns that were playing out… OR step bravely through the discomfort, trusting that the truth would set me free. Again, more accurately speaking – stepping through the excruciating discomfort of a transition I thought might break me. (I’ll write about “Dark Night of the Soul” experiences in a later post)
Our “demons” are the dark and unsavory spaces we would rather hide, deny, or blame away. Failure, rage, shame, and humiliation – Just to name a few. The auto-reactive side of us that we wish we could change but feel powerless to do so; or we spend a lifetime building a perfect façade to deny ever existed within us. But like I mentioned in this post – We either own our stuff, or it owns us.
Here’s the thing about our unsavory aspects. Hidden within the shadows, they quite literally wreak havoc in our lives. They set us up to fail just to prove their belief that we’re a failure. They create experiences to show us just how painful they feel… Then hit “repeat” to make sure it’s a pattern that plays out over and over in our lives.
All in an effort to be seen and heard.
One day I decided to “invite my demons to tea” – Bring every unsavory aspect or belief about myself into the light so I could better understand some of my painful patterns. Keep in mind, this isn’t a one-time white glove High Tea event. This is an ongoing commitment I’ve made to myself to connect and listen to my wounded spaces that have been denied and kept hidden for so long.
You start the conversation by connecting with any trigger that sets off an auto-response reaction such as anxiety, anger, or helplessness rather than stuffing the awkward or painful feeling back down. Listening to the stories they carry. Respecting the experiences that made them feel deplorable and hide away.
You will soon learn that these “demonized” parts of ourselves are actually fragmented pieces of our soul.
Pieces of ourselves that were once beautiful and whole that disconnected after having an experience or emotion that that didn’t feel acceptable. An experience or emotion whereWE didn’t feel acceptable.
One of my personal favorites – “Not good enough” has played out in so many ways over the years – Limiting me and making me feel small. Since opening a dialogue, “not good enough” has now become my trusted advisor. Alerting me anytime I feel triggered so I can look inward and honor this tender space that needs my love and healing. Thank you for trying to protect me – I’ve got this!
Our demons/fragments have tried to protect us from the experiences from whence they came. Once we understand their loving intent, we can empathize and forgive the havoc they’ve created in our lives in an effort to do so. They just want to be acceptable and reconnected.
We heal our soul by loving and accepting every fragmented part – Loving our Whole Self unconditionally.
Dear Alexa – You are on the cusp of a parallel journey of acknowledgement, self-acceptance, and awakening. I’m here for you the moment you’re ready to invite your demons to tea. Just don’t mind if I pour myself something stronger. For I know the strength it takes to turn inward and heal – The courage it takes to become Whole.
3 comments