Dear Alexa,
You pulled off quite a egomaniacal move today. Your Dad once explained this particular play, taken from your mom’s playbook, as – “Give a nickel, she’ll demand a dime, then take a quarter.”
Dad was kind enough to triple your monthly allowance (yes – triple!) with a portion of that going into a savings account. His goal was to let you know how much he loves and supports you. He also wanted to help you make good financial decisions – Teach you the importance of saving money for a rainy day and for the bigger things you want. But rather than a simple thanks, you’ve spent the entire day arguing, demanding, and threatening in an attempt to get access to all “your” money right now.
Your increasingly hostile negotiation tactics included a reference that a bank would give you access to move money from savings to checking without permission. Quickly followed by threats about not being able to afford this big thing you want at the moment. Then interjected with repetitive “hello…?????” texts trying to get Dad to engage in your arguments while also claiming that he’s “so argumentative” which made his busy workday downright exhausting.
All because you want something this very second.
Let’s clarify a couple of things. First of all, this isn’t “your” money. You’ve done absolutely nothing to earn or even deserve this monthly allowance your father gives you. He does so because he loves and wants to support you. Secondly, your dad funds this particular account because of the oversight involved (such as not being able to access savings on a whim) to help teach you the value of money. Had you asked for help getting this big thing you want, Dad would have listened and, most likely, found a way to help you. Lastly, to keep the argument alive long after the “no” line was firmly drawn, makes YOU argumentative, not your Dad.
Sadly, after months of refusing to visit and ignoring all of Dad’s texts, your Dad now prepares himself for the “ask” every time you send a text. You’re not reaching out to connect. You want something – a new wardrobe, a nose piercing, a new dog, or the newest cell phone… Quickly turning angry and impatient if Dad doesn’t respond immediately.
But lately, your asks have turned into hostile demands – Assuming the worst, turning argumentative and manipulative, and downright degrading if you don’t get immediate satisfaction.
This is the point of no return.
If Dad caves in, you will assume weakness – Pushing harder and harder anytime he attempts to say no. It is for this very reason, why Dad has to stand even firmer behind every boundary the moment you try to break it. Disengaging in your no-win arguments and merely letting the “no” stand when you attempt to manipulate it.
While you are likely resenting it now, Dad’s strength and iron-clad boundaries will someday teach you that YOU are strong enough to define and defend your own “no means no” moments in life.
Oh, and FYI – It is FAR easier saying no to a snotty demand than a kindly offered ask. Dad would have contributed even more for this big item you want to invest in if you had simply asked nicely.
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