Surface level, we have every reason to worry about your wellbeing. But appearances can be deceiving… Dig a little deeper, and there is an amazing opportunity before you.
When your Dad and I talked about putting school on the back burner, finding a way to work around your mother, and the time and financial commitment all going into this decision, it became very clear just how lucky you are. All I can think of is how much I needed this kind of support when I was your age.
Understanding the core truths behind our most painful experiences, while also getting therapeutic tools to deal with them, is incredibly empowering.
I believe that everyone experiences some sort of trauma in their childhood. I’ve often heard it described as – Big “T” or little “t” – Trauma of some sort is all part of our growing pains as we are born into this imperfect world. The saying “hurt people, hurt others” holds an essential truth in that Trauma is often handed down from someone who has experienced Trauma themselves. If left unchecked, Trauma has a sneaky way of recurring throughout our lifetime in an effort to be acknowledged and heard.
What do I mean by unchecked?
If we don’t acknowledge our Traumas and learn how to accept and heal them, our Traumas will reak havoc subconsciously. Often times repeating similar Traumatic events over and over in different ways throughout our lives until we finally fall to our knees and surrender.
Personally, it took several painful experiences in my life before I finally came to terms with the fact that I was the one orchestrating each and every one of those experiences. My inability to deal with my own childhood Trauma played out perfectly through difficult relationships, feelings of rejection and abandonment, and excruciating moments of failure. I played a part (albeit subconsciously) in creating every painful experience in my attempts to ignore and deny the presence of trauma.
It’s been a long process of self-discovery and healing – A process that I’ve learned to embrace every single day as I continue to discover and heal. In fact, I’ll admit that it’s easier to take the “quick fix” and blame someone or something “out there” rather than own up to our own unsavory behaviors that create all dramas in our lives. Might explain why people choose to remain stuck within their Traumas – Clinging tightly to blame and revenge rather than daring to look within at the intimately painful reasons why we self-sabotage.
Owning our Trauma and healing our soul is the only way to break free.
Right now, you have a golden opportunity to explore your traumas and discover the core truths behind them before they become a recurring theme in your life. You are surrounded by professionals who know the truth of what’s going on – Not the “story” your mom tried so hard to convince your prior six therapists was true. And you know what?
These truths will set you free –
- Truth that every part of you is good enough, lovable, and cherished.
- Truth that Dad has always, and always will, love and support you.
- Truth that you are not responsible for anyone else’s choices or actions.
- Truth that you deserve to establish and maintain healthy boundaries with those who seek to violate them.
Just be aware that there will also be a few uncomfortable truths that come to light – Truth of the manipulation tactics and dishonesty used to drive a wedge between you and your father. Truth that a desire for revenge and control was put ahead of your basic need for a loving, nurturing parental relationship with your mom.
Our Traumas impact us for the rest of our lives – Now whether it’s a positive or negative impact is ultimately up to us. The insights you gain in therapy will teach you how to turn your Trauma into discovery, healing, and self-empowered compassion.
You will learn that the people who have caused you pain have inflicted it from a traumatized space within themselves, not in response to anything you have done. You will be given the therapeutic tools that will empower you to establish and maintain healthy personal boundaries so that your first priority is taking loving care of yourself.
For it’s only from this self-actualized, loving space that will you be able to hold compassion for those who seek to unload their own trauma on another.
It has taken me a very long time to learn how to balance my natural empathy and compassion for others while also maintaining healthy boundaries and taking loving care of myself. My hope is that you learn all this at 13-years old so you may enjoy a lifetime of compassion for others while also maintaining healthy boundaries to protect your loving heart.
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