I had a funny conversation with a friend this week about teenage girls. It fell right in line with every other conversation with a parent who sucks in a deep breath when I tell them we have a 13-year-old daughter. The consensus is unanimous – Girls totally lose their shit when they turn 13… and continue to do so until somewhere in their mid-20’s.
Parents instantly feel a deep sense of compassion for this parental phase of life. Often, offering up their deepest sympathy before describing their own experiences.
“We were so close and then it was as if she completely lost her mind.”
This mother had such a terrified expression on her face that only comes from PTSD.
“There were several years where I didn’t even like her.”
One mother even confessed.
Blame it on fluctuating hormones, mean girl school drama, searching for an identity, and everything in-between.
“It was brutal…” our attorney lacked any other way to describe it.
And this phenomena crosses all family-oriented lines – It’s not just blended families that are experiencing these teenage-hostage issues. Even the picture perfect Jones’s next door are sharing similar grief.
“We try to be good parents, but the moment we turn off the WiFi at midnight on a school night, all hell breaks loose.”
Mr. & Mrs. Jones (surname has been changed to protect the identities of good parents).
“So, when does it get better?” Is my standard question. Seriously – I’m searching for a ray of hope here. Unfortunately, that part is still elusive.
“When she went to college.”
One mother smiled brightly thinking it would cheer me up.
“Oh, about 25…or so…”
The man at the airport said with signs of exhaustion in his eyes.
Really? A range of somewhere between 6-12 years of pure lunacy?
“I finally got a prescription for Valium,” an anonymous friend admitted.
And everyone is just expected to deal with it while waiting for this magical moment when they return to their senses? Wouldn’t an exorcism speed this process along?
Growing up in a family of six, I didn’t have the luxury of losing my shit during my teenage years. My parents wouldn’t have put up with it and, more likely, my siblings would have knocked that shit out of me fast.
“Ohhh, poor white girl didn’t get the opportunity to lose her shit…”
My African-American friend joked as we laughed our asses off over the very notion of being denied an equal right to lose our shit.
Yes, I do recall times during my teenage years when I was an emotional mess so I totally understand how I could have fallen into this “losing it” stereotype quite nicely. But I knew from day one that other people’s needs were just as important as my own. And I believe that kind of inherent knowledge comes from five siblings sharing one bathroom.
So when did it become perfectly normal and acceptable to lose your shit for several years? Reeking bloody havoc and hurting those around us who are only guilty of loving us unconditionally?
Rhetorical – Don’t answer that.
Dear Alexa – I know you believe it’s your birthright to act out in any way that you feel in any given moment…
